I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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