brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
