last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
