She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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