I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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