im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
