You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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