I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
