Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
