I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
