Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
