If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
