Moan for me like Helen Keller
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
