After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
