You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
worst night to have a conscience
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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