Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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