Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
