yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
