I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
