i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
