I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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