I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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