Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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