happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
