I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
