I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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