If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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