I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize
