you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
