well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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