I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you had me at cake vodka
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
