she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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