Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
