We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's blow job season.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
