You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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