whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
