I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
