This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
