Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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