dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
