just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
