someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's always time for handjobs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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