Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
