my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
