im about as happy as oj after his trial
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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