Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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