My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you still have your period?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
