can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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