is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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