Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
