I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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