I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How's work?
Spinning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
