dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The Olympian is in my bed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
