I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
