It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
