Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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