i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
