oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
