I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
