yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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