i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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