Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
