the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
