the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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