You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
