I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
even my farts smell like vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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