Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
