Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize