Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
